My story

If it had not been for my vanity I would have never noticed the lump on the side of my neck. My first thought was "I need to go back on my diet, my neck looks thick". It never
dawned on me when I tried to put my hair up in a ponytail that something was wrong. Something was blocking my air and I could not breathe when I put my arms over my head. I was at work when I noticed this lump, which I referred to as Fred. I showed this to my friend Fanchette and she scared me into going to the doctor that day. Being a young mother of 3 she freaked me out saying I probably had swollen glands or an infection, and I needed to go get it checked NOW! If it had only been that simple, who knew it was going to be a life changing experience that day. So I talked to my boss Vickie and I left work. I told my doctor why I was there and she started what I thought was going to be a routine exam. "I think this is cancer", she
said. Being a smoker, my heart sank. Then the denial set in, "it can't be, there's got to be some kind of mistake. I'm too young for this". But as she checked out the lump, she said it looked like Lymphoma. "Lymphoma? What the heck is this?" I thought to myself. "Does this mean it's not cancer?" not realizing at that time that it is a form of cancer. At this point I was very uneducated about my disease. My doctor ordered x-rays right then and had the radiologist look at them before I left. She sat me down in her office and told me it was just as she suspected. She must have thought I was crazy or in shock because I had no reaction, no questions, except, "ok, what now?" She said she would request a referral for me to see a specialist. And with that I walked out. I went back to the car and sat a minute. "Did this just happen?" I called my boss and gave her the bad news. I actually had to say it now, the C word! Then I just fell apart and let all the emotions come out. I had my last cigarette that day as I drove away. "What am I going to tell my parents?" played in my head the whole ride home. This was on November 13, 2001. They wanted me to come in the next Monday to see a specialist. "Well, at least I can go to my parents over the weekend and talk to them face to face." No time for that. I got a call that my appointment was on Friday November 16. This is not how I wanted to do this, but it had to be done, I called my Mom Thursday night to tell her I was going to the Dr on Friday. I have to see a specialist because they think I have cancer. What a horrible thing to have to do, tell your mom over the phone! But she had to know, and of course, she wanted to be there. I was to be seen by an ENT (ear, nose & throat). Thus starting a whole slew of things to come. From needle aspiration, tissue biopsy, CAT scans, PET scans, bone marrow sample (well, he tried anyway. This is a very painful procedure!), and who knows how many blood samples! All of this in preparation to determine my stage and my treatment. Two months of testing and still no definite answer on how to treat this, two months of waiting for results for something or other! The waiting was the worst part. At this point it was down right painstaking! Calling Dr's offices and the referral authorization place, making sure one is not waiting for the other 'cause you know they don't communicate well with each other. I had to really stay on top of them. I had one nurse tell me that I could not leave a voice mail for my doctor. "Why not, I left one yesterday! I need to know about my treatment." "Sorry, I'll take a message", she keep repeating. This infuriated me! "You know, if this was your mother or your sister, you would be all over it. They think I have freakin' cancer, I want to know what the heck is going on and no one is calling me back! Your problem is that you've become desensitized to your patients as people and just treat us like some no name patients!" and with that I hung up. Of course when I go home there were 4 messages from the Dr's office, two from the Dr himself. Not to mention a referral the next day to an oncologist. Things started moving right along again. Then I needed a PET scan. Here we go again. I got denied from my insurance the first time. So there I go again, calling the referral authorization office, what is going on? I need this to start my treatment. There I go lighting fires again. Then finally, diagnosed as Lymphoma Hodgkin's disease Stage IIA (A-meaning non-symptomatic), and chemotherapy was the next step. I had some things to consider now. How am I going to handle the side effects? The hair loss, the nausea, the fatigue, what I can and cannot eat for fear of making me sick. Not to mention my fertility system. The drugs will cause this to shut down, and it may or may not come back. I know I want to have kids, but now I may never be able to. I never thought in a million years that I would never be able to. WHAT TO DO NOW!? Should I freeze some eggs? This could delay the treatment, and what happens if I do that. Will the tumors grow bigger, or will I get more? There are lots to consider! I just want to get better. My mom told me that if I was putting off getting the treatments because of the whole fertility issue, that she would not be disappointed if I did not freeze my eggs, don't worry about that. She just wanted me to get better too. The doctor said, I'm still young, and there is a chance that I can still have kids. There is more of a risk for women who are just about to enter menopause. So I decided to start the treatment. Then came January 18th, 2002 my first of 12 treatments(6 cycles, 1 cycle is 28 days, and there are 2 treatments for me in those 28 days). The first day I was very traumatized, scared, and just cried. Not because they hurt me. The whole procedure of the treatment is not at all that painful. I just sit there for 4 hours more or less, as the medication is administered. But when you are deathly afraid of getting stuck with needles, on top of thinking all about why you're there and this is what you having coming for the next six months, it was overwhelming. Luckily they let my Mom and Ramon stay in the room while I had my treatment, so that was comforting. My mom still goes with me every time, waiting out the hours with me. In the beginning we would watch movies, play scrabble, read, or do crossword puzzles, to kill time. These days though I sleep just about the whole time. And my poor mother, just sitting there because she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. And here I am now, past my half way mark. Only 4 more treatments to go. My PET scan from April 17 showed that, as I told my friends at work when I called them today, "Fred has officially left the building! He left a couple of squatters, but they'll be gone soon!" Very good news for someone who, 6 months ago did not know there was even the slightest thing wrong with her! And through all this I remain in good spirits because I have parents who have been involved every step of the way, a boss who knows when to make me laugh and when to let me cry, my brother and his family who call and write to check on me and encourage me, a boyfriend who knows when I say I'm tired, lets me rest in the middle of the day or after work (and loves to cook!), friends who ask me how I'm doing and they let me answer honestly (good or bad!), and all my cousins, aunts, uncles (thanks to nana & grandma for having so many kids!) who are genuine when they call and write to see how I am doing. I could have gone through all of this thinking "why me?" or blaming my self or others for having this disease, but if I did that, I could not get through each day. I like to think that if I wouldn't have been able to handle it I wouldn't have been given this. So I must have the strength to get through it, as I see so many other people with the same strength at my Dr's office and support groups. And I have seen people that have the strength, but just have not found it yet. I only hope this story will help someone find his or her strength. That is the purpose for this page. I want this to be used as a tool. If you know someone who needs help getting through the red tape of the HMO's or needs to learn more about my disease or other cancers, I make myself available to you. There are links on my page and my email address to reach me. I want to make it my mission to use my experience as a way to help others. I may not always have the right answer, but I'll help find them. Plus I'm a good listener, and sometimes, that's all you need ;)

Here's an update as of 5/8. I had a Dr's appointment today. He did say that the tumors in my neck are gone, but there are a couple of active tumors behind my chest plate. If the chemo doesn't finish them off, I may have to undergo radiation. Just when I thought I was done! But I don't want to get ahead of myself. I'm hopeful that my next scan will be good news, but if not I will prepare myself for the next step.

Had my Dr's appointment today, 7/18/2. I am free and clear of any tumors! I will have to have one more cylce of chemo as a precaution. 7/26 & 8/9 will be the last two treaments I will need. AND NO RADIATION!!!!
"How much more can a person take?", you ask? Well, I am keeping a positive attitude to get me through the next two treatments. I'm sure I'll cruise through them because it can't be any worse then what I have already been through.
Thank you everyone, for all your support and prayers.
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!!

The news just gets better, finally! I had a dr's appt on Wed 8/21. I have to go back in 6 weeks for x-rays. Just keeping an eye on things. I guess this will be one of many, just to monitor how I'm doing. Oh well, I can deal with that. My mom and I will go on a well needed trip. I can finally use my vacation days for a VACATION instead of at the dr's office! WOO-HOO!!!

Only good news to report! I had a follow up visit on the 3rd of October. My chest and neck x-ray was normal!! And my menstrual cycle is already back! I have to go back before the end of the year, and I'm sure many more follow up visits will follow. Better safe than sorry. My mom and I continue to go to support group. The people in the group are all very incouraging and are amazed at my recovery. I hope that I can be as inspiring to someone as they are to me.

Side notes; my softball team won our first game last Friday. I got 2 RBIs!!! woo-hoo.
And, my hair is growing back!!!! Although I never lost all of it, it really, really thinned out. It seems to be growing out curly, too.

Hope everyone is having a great new year. I had a Dr.'s appt. on December 23rd, and still no sign of any problems. I go back in Feb. but I have to get a PET scan before seeing my Doctor.
Our softball season ended, and I'm going to be playing next season. I can't wait!
See you all soon.

Hey everyone. I'm happy to announce that things are going great. Aside from my recovery, Ramon and I got married on Nov 8th...AND... we had a baby!! Emileo was born on Aug. 29th and he is happy and healthy!
Life after cancer; it's a wonderful thing!

Hello again...
My last scan was in December and all is fine. I'm well and Ramon is well and Emileo is well. We baptized him on April 23rd.
This year I will be participate in the Light the Night walk Sept. 18th. It something I've been wanting to do. Hope you can help with any donation, big or small, it all adds up. See the link below if you would like to learn more.
Thanks for all or your support.

7/5/6

So many things in such a little time. I can't beleive it's been 4 years! Ramon and I have been blessed with our little Emileo, and now, we're expecting his little brother in just a couple of weeks. We're very excited and can't wait to see him.
I'll have to wait till after the pregnancy to have a scan, but I feel great.

It's April 3, 2007 and I went to the doctor yesterday to get a referal for a scan. Long over due, but since I've had the boys, I can't get scaned while pregnant or nursing. So everything should look well and normal.

Emileo and Diego are doing great. Emileo is always on the go and keep mommy, daddy and grandma very busy. Diego is scootching around now, and is even attempting to pull himself up! YIKES. But he gets around very quickly and will be in full crawl soon, I can tell. But they are both happy and funny and love playing together. We have such a good time with them! See you all soon!